The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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