I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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