you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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