When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Dear god my vagina.
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