It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
