Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It was confusing and full of hummus
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
