I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
