the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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