just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she told me i tasted like america
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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