Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
