well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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