explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
