he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
