i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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