so that wasnt chicken after all
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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