I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
50% drunk capacity currently
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
