that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I smell like Dick and happiness
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