I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You're like the curious george of whores
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
