i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
