just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
