Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
