New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
