So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
