Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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