My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
