There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
