Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
