Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
