it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
