I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
