I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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