see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
