respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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