I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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