My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
