I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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