no, he came in my armpit
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
