I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
