Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
