we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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