Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
