just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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