One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
