and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
