Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
