My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
