I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
