Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
