He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
