office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
