So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All I want is dick and wine.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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