just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
