It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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